Take This Life
by tinypinkmouse
Summary: Gabriel isn't really cut out for this human thing. Sequel to "Give Me Wings", yes another sequel to it. Gabriel/Dean.


_And then let's try to place this part of my wonderfully non-organised series somewhere where it makes sense; 'Colour Me Free', 'Soothe the Pain', 'Whisper a Sunset', 'Give Me Wings', I'd say this story goes right here and then 'Tell Me Lies'._

* * *

Dean doesn't have to make a decision straight away, which is obviously a relief. To Dean, that is. To Gabriel it's very much like slow torture. Maybe that one where they keep putting larger and larger rocks on your chest, because he's pretty sure that's what it feels like sometimes.

The more time that passes the more he can't stop himself from thinking that maybe Dean will choose him. Choose to… But Gabriel knows that when it comes to a choice that involves Sam and anything at all; Sam is always going to win. Always.

Dean's just feeling guilty about it. Doesn't want to tell Gabriel the truth of it. And Gabriel can't tell him he already knows, can't tell Dean that he knows that there's no contest at all between him and Sam. If he says that, then that's it. Then this is permanent, he'll be stuck like this. Because not only is he pathetic and weak and _human_, he also can't stop from stupidly hoping that maybe…

That's probably part of being human too. This clinging to something that he knows won't be. This whole hoping against hope thing. That's how Dean and Sam stopped the Apocalypse and that might mean it's supposed to be a good thing, that this is part of why Dad loves humans so much. If this is how it feels, Gabriel doesn't know how they can stand it.

It's not like he can tell Dean he hates this. Hates this human he is. That maybe oblivion is better than this thing he's become. Whatever Dean chooses he'll have Gabriel, even if it is a pathetic, useless, human one. That's the deal. Gabriel agreed to it.

Dean doesn't think being human is a bad thing. Why would he?

They don't sleep much, or well. Dean hasn't for a while, for obvious reasons. Gabriel's never really slept before. Not like this.

He hates the dreams. Hates being trapped inside his mind, not being able to get away, not knowing that it isn't real.

He wakes up from the nightmares panting, sweaty and shaking and cold. Dean holds him afterwards, without a word being said as they watch late night TV and try not to sleep. Gabriel thinks that's as much for Dean's benefit as it is his, it's not like Dean's dreams are any better.

Gabriel hates the nightmares, but he dreads the dreams where things are good_. _The ones from before his brother stuck a blade through him and most of all the ones where Dean chose him, where they're happy and embarrassingly in love and everything is just _good._

He really tries not to be so pathetic, but all he can do after one of those is shake and cry and cling to Dean like the weak and useless thing he is. Dean just holds him and never mentions it. Gabriel is grateful for that at least.

Dean doesn't really act any differently towards him. They argue about things like they always have, mock each other at pretty much every opportunity, just like always. It's just that now Dean gets to poke fun at him when he gets some ridiculously obvious human thing wrong just because he's never done it before.

Thank Dad he does, because if Dean felt sorry for him Gabriel doesn't know if he could stand it. Being human is bad enough on its own.

It's not like things are bad between them. And Dean seems mostly happy to have him around. He's even trying to teach Gabriel to hunt, which is both gratifying and really unpleasant. It's hard and it damn well hurts a lot, but if Dean thinks he can do it… well, that's something.

So Gabriel has no idea why they haven't had sex a single time since he was resurrected. He has no idea how he's supposed to feel about it, because it's sex and it's Dean and this human body that's him now makes everything so complicated.

The ghost screams once when Gabriel sets fire to the bones, then the graveyard goes eerily quiet.

He turns to look at Dean, who's still on the ground next to the headstone the ghost flung him at.

Stupid damned _ghost._

"You're getting pretty good at this," Dean says once Gabriel gets closer, but doesn't actually move to get up. Instead he winces and scoots over to lean against headstone.

"I keep telling you I'm awesome," Gabriel grins down at him.

"Sammy's okay, right?" Dean asks quietly after a moment. "I mean I get to know that, right? I get to know Sammy's okay."

Gabriel feels like his heart just skipped a few beats and he's pretty sure that's not a good thing. It's kind of a vital part of this whole human package and it's not supposed to be getting any ideas about stopping.

"Yeah." He chokes out hoarsely. "Yeah, you get to know that." He's not really sure how he manages to get the words out, because he sort of feels like he's not getting enough air. And really, this human body is ridiculous.

"Okay," Dean says calmly. "I can live with that."

And maybe it suddenly feels like the world's ending a little bit, because that's Dean Winchester writing 'I love you' in big bold letters over all of damned creation for every one of Dad's creatures to see.

Then of course there's all the light and heat and ice and fury, pure agony and ecstasy. Love and power and _everything_.

When it's over Dean says, "I think I cracked a rib," and Gabriel wonders if it would be a good idea to rearrange the stars and write 'I love you too' across the night sky.


End file.
